Ken Wilgus explains why lecturing is ineffective with teenagers. Kenneth Wilgus offers parents practical help for navigating the challenges that come with guiding their teens into young adulthood in a discussion based on his book Feeding the Mouth That Bites You: A Complete Guide to Parenting Adolescents and Launching Them Into the World. Get insight into how parents can engage with their prodigals. Is your teen hurting? Instead of lecturing, try guiding your child with these three principles.
Ken Wilgus offers parents a solid way to discipline teens — by taking away their stuff! Psychologist Dr. Kenneth Wilgus offers parents a strategy of "planned emancipation" whereby they can help prepare their teens for adulthood by carefully and progressively withdrawing their control over key areas of their teen's life. Ken Wilgus explains why teenagers experiment with grown-up activities.
What do your teens fear most? Kevin Leman discusses three things you may not realize your teens fear and what they need from you so they can stop being afraid.
Displaying 1 to 23 of Read more. Episode Skin Their Knee Jim Burns encourages parents to allow their children to fail so they can become resilient, responsible adults. Episode Navigating the Challenges Teens Face Part 2 of 2 In a discussion based on his book Understanding Your Teen , Jim Burns offers advice for how parents can help their teens deal with the challenging issues they face, including the use of technology and social media, peer pressure, drug and alcohol abuse, depression, the transition to adulthood, and more.
Part 2 of 2 Listen. Episode Navigating the Challenges Teens Face Part 1 of 2 In a discussion based on his book Understanding Your Teen , Jim Burns offers advice for how parents can help their teens deal with the challenging issues they face, including the use of technology and social media, peer pressure, drug and alcohol abuse, depression, the transition to adulthood, and more.
Part 1 of 2 Listen. And if you try, it will likely backfire. For example, you can set the rule that your child is not allowed to have their boyfriend or girlfriend stay the night at your house when they come to visit. Even my six year old knows that actions have consequences. In this very popular New York Times bestseller, Drs. Cloud and Townsend offer a TON of great Biblical insight on what behaviors are appropriate and not, how to set boundaries, and how to stick up for yourself without being a jerk OR a pushover in the process.
Every interaction with your child should be driven by and characterized by love. Insist on your own way and your child is likely to tune you out. Approach your child with love, humility and gentleness, however, and your child just may be won over, either now or in the future.
No matter how wonderful of a job we do raising our children, they are bound to make mistakes both big and small and some will inevitably walk away. Instead of beating yourself up with guilt or beating your child up with shame, use these seven tips to approach your child in a loving, Christ-like manner. Have you ever had to deal with the heartbreak of watching an adult child living in sin?
How did you respond to the situation? I remember after learning Galatians , we would often go around each saying one word of the verses which would emphasize the fruit of the Spirit. Pause for Reflection: What verses have your family learned so far?
Which ones do you think they should know? The time for prayer is the most difficult. But if we start early, then even that trouble is somewhat eliminated. For example, when the child is an infant the mother holds the baby's hands and gives thanks before feeding the baby. Once in the highchair the same thing happens.
During devotions, I always liked to take the youngest one and hold him or her in my lap and hold his hands. When the baby has learned to fold hands during prayer, they need to go through a time of keeping them folded. If they resist, we just go back to holding them again. We cannot force a child to be quiet, but we can help them sit still. For example, toddlers will sit with Daddy or Mommy. When they are able to start wiggling around, I hold them tight in my crossed legs. Unlike church, we can ignore their baby sounds. This really depends on how old the child is. It is proper to teach children to confess their sins, ask God for help and encourage them to pray for others.
We do encourage this but realize God cannot hear their prayers before they know Christ as their Lord and Savior. We, however, are praying with them and God does hear us. Prayer is a privilege for Christians. We take prayer requests. The children are great at remembering special needs. We pray for missionaries. Make sure you have some missionary focus as a family. We never dare just pray for ourselves. The Lord wants to do greater things through us when we pray for others. With many children, we take turns. With fewer children, it is fine for each to pray. In this case, we would have the father open and the mother close; the children pray in between.
Children usually want to start praying around 6, sometimes earlier. Earlier on, we just take their hands and pray for them, "Thank you God for every good thing! Devotions can be shortened for nights when children are sick or tired. If you come home late, just pray for them with a hand on them while they are in bed. This is not a legalistic matter but one in which you can seek God' s blessing on your family and instruct them in your love for God and His Word.
Let's now take a look at some other specific aspects of nurturing our family with spiritual teachings. Each child is special. Each one has its own voice, facial shaping, body size, palm prints and even finger prints. We should have a special prayer for each child. The prayer is not magical; it is an earnest plea from the parent for the child to help the child to be all he or she should be. This prayer is a growing prayer.
As we see the child grow, we are aware of different gifts and challenges that particular child will have in life. We need to sharpen our focus and prayers for that child. Usually we see strengths and weaknesses in each child. We should encourage them and pray for them that they would overcome the sin and bodily weakness and fulfill God's good plans. We specially equip them with verses we have memorized with them. As in most people, there usually is one predominant sin pattern in each person.
As parents we need to realize that this is the child's biggest enemy to becoming a godly person. Our prayers serve as their shield as long as we live. By having such observations and prayers, we again are full of expectations that the child will be a godly person, full of the Spirit of Christ. We have found it helpful to focus on the name that we have given them, much like the scriptures do.
What does it mean? Why were you inspired to give it to him or her? Pray for a godly fulfillment of that name. Some wonder why Deuteronomy 6, Ephesians 6 and other passages address the father and his spiritual responsibility in bringing up the child before the Lord but do not mention the mother. This is because the father is the responsible one. We can see this in verse 4 by the special way fathers are addressed. Father's are head of the home. We do also see, however, that he is not the only one active in shaping the child' s life. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians In verse 1 we see that children are to obey their parents. There is no distinction between father and mother. This is reaffirmed in verse 2 in case we would have any doubts. Respect and honor are connected to commands and wishes. Generally we see the mother's care for the child's nurturing when small, but the father must see to it that instruction in the Lord and the whole discipline process is implemented.
The wife works with the husband to help implement his goals. The wife has special insight and ability to help the children. The good father knows this and works closely with his wife. Notice how the wife is expected to operate in the home. That they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be dishonored. Titus The children should gain a great experience of warmth and love from their mothers. This does not mean they do not chastise. Chastisement is a sign of love.
Any child that gives a mother great difficulty should be told that his father will finish speaking to him upon his return. A wife, however, dare not pass all such rebukes and instructions on to the father. Surely the father does not have the advantage of the timing and understanding of the context to get the greatest advantage in training the child. A mother should be the main expression of tender love. She needs to remember this. Father and mother work together in harmony as one. We can understand a mother's influence even more when we read the scriptures related to a Christian mother with an unbelieving husband.
In some marriages one is a Christian and one an unbeliever. Such believing mothers should not lose hope. A godly grandmother and mother raised Timothy.
He became a great pastor in the early church. For I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois, and your mother Eunice, and I am sure that it is in you as well. And that from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.
As long as the unbelieving husband or wife is willing to stay with the believing spouse, the believing spouse can have great impact on an otherwise lost child. We need to think beyond just the goal of the child. As we look through the scriptures we find that God does great things through families. Children are seen as a multiplication or expansion of what the parents stand for. As Christian parents, we must reject a pure individualistic perspective and understand that God wants to perpetuate our ministry, vision, love, etc.
For example, if we see that a couple is hospitable, more than likely the children will learn to be so.
We can see the compassion, care and love through the parents, but we can see it through the children in the way that they imitate their parents. We do not mean that parents should force careers and positions upon their children, but that there should be a general expectation of how the Lord will be working in ones children. This should encourage us to set up a good positive model so that our children will pass on those great things to others. Take a look at Abraham, Isaac and Jacob's lives. Note how they have disharmonious marriages and how this negatively affected their children.
We can also note on a positive side how their faith in the Lord held firm. They held onto the land and the promises of the Lord. We need to be cautious, though. Children will not only pass on the good but also the bad as they grow up. While we have time, we can confess our sins and have the Lord's strength to change. This encourages even older children that have already been affected by bad modeling.
If the parents have changed, they know they need to change also. The clearer we are on these matters, the easier it is to go forward developing this purpose and sharing it with our children. He has used us to help poor people who live near us. Let me tell you about one family. Pause for Reflection: What is the Lord doing through your life as a family? What gifts do you have? How does the Lord bring His grace to others through you as parents? Although we have said it before in the seminar, we should mention it once more. We as parents are not just passing on negative admonitions.
Truly they are necessary. Our children are not to lie. But we must go beyond this and tell them what good things they are to do instead! The more we can focus on the good things, all encompassed in that one command to "love our neighbor as ourselves," the more we can instill a vision for the virtue that we want to build in our children.
These positive instructions become the child' s road to walk on. A child cannot live by ignoring these things. They will wonder what positive things they should be doing.
We should give them answers to that important question or they will look elsewhere. Let me give you an example. I told him that he was not to cry to get things that he wanted. But after that, I went on and told him what I did expect. I first got his attention to make sure he was listening. I told him that I expected him to share things with others and play nicely. This is how we ended our conversation. This is what I want him to remember. Pause for Reflection: List the positive instructions that you have given to your child in the last week. Please remember that this can only be effectively done when the child can start to understand and reason, but we can start training ourselves!
Every child needs to come to know the Lord. Remember that a child should respect both God and their parents. We can train even a non-Christian child to do this. But to love God and love others requires the power of the Gospel. Children are born with a sinful nature. They are sinners by virtue of being born to sinful parents. We parents are sinful because of our sinful parents. And it goes on and on this way until we go back to Adam. Paul summarizes it well in Romans speaking of Adam. So then as through one transgression Adam's sin there resulted condemnation to all men, even so through one act of righteousness Jesus' righteousness there resulted justification of life to all men.
Romans When Adam sinned the whole human race was contaminated. All people everywhere need to be saved. Young children need to be saved too. People do not come to a point where they become morally responsible and then need to be saved.
They are born sinners as it says above. The process of salvation is the same with all people, but special care is needed for children because they respect their parents and desire to please them. This desire to please the parents is not the same as being saved. Sometimes we equate salvation with a decision. The problem with this is that there are different parts of a decision. A decision includes the mind, will and emotions. When a child feels he needs to please his Dad or his pastor, he might say that he wants to be a Christian or nod his head to their plea to be saved.
This is probably just an emotional decision. They might not be saved at all. Instead we should look for other signs of salvation. We should first speak clearly of their fallen state and need to be saved from the wrath of God. We need to point out the child's sins to him. We do not do this accusingly but as a matter of fact. We should remind him just for that sin of lying alone he would go to hell.
Raising teens isn't the easiest thing to do in today's world and doing so as a single parent makes it twice as hard. Even as Godly parents we may still have. One of the toughest roles anyone can have in today's culture is that of a single parent. It's hard enough to rear a child, especially a teenager, with two parents;.
We are not exaggerating matters but just telling them the truth. Early on they will understand this and equate their guilt with the displeasure of God. We must not force them to say they are Christians. This does not change their heart. We are looking for an awareness of their own sinfulness. We should see a repentant spirit about them. They should be asking questions about the Lord, heaven and hell on their own.
Then we know that the Spirit of God is working. We can encourage the child to believe by saying things like, "I hope that you soon become a Christian. You wouldn't want to live without the Lord. But they know I still love them. They hear how I pray for them to come to know Him. They know becoming a Christian is the best thing in life. I could easily convince them to say a sinner's prayer but that does not save them. They need the Holy Spirit to convict them of their sin so that they would seek salvation and the cross. Unfortunately the word 'decision' has become a replacement for 'repent and believe in Christ.
Notice the power of God at work in salvation in the following verses. I tell you, no, but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish. Luke For our gospel did not come to you in word only, but also in power and in the Holy Spirit and with full conviction; 1 Thessalonians For they themselves report about us what kind of a reception we had with you, and how you turned to God from idols to serve a living and true God, and to wait for His Son from heaven, whom He raised from the dead, that is Jesus, who delivers us from the wrath to come.
Repentance is a spiritual conviction from God that a person's sins are the most dreadful curse upon him and deserve the condemnation of God and thus seeks a way to escape from them.
When our children are trained right, we see a lot of good in them. Don't think this is the same as salvation. It is not.