Not Ours to Keep

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As a high school principal I have watched many high school students and parents. This advice is timeless and valuable. It works. The most helpful advice given to me: my goal as the parent of a teen was not to get them to obey ME, but to point them toward mature, discerning adulthood. This helped define which mountains were worth dying on, and framed the discussion in a more positive light.

And, I agree with Kim. Really listen and never betray their trust so they will know you are safe. In regards to your first question: What advice would you give Minhee and I as parents? I also would definitely make sure that she knows how precious, valued, and loved she is. In regards to your second question: Perhaps from your days as a high schooler yourself or as a current or past parent of a high schooler, what advice would you give my daughter?

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Be proud of who you are and remember how loved you are — not just by your parents, but by God and by your community! You ROCK! For your next question: [For my daughter and others] What was the best and worst thing about the high school experience for you? I tried a lot of different and new activities, clubs, etc.

Final question: Faith. What advice would you give us — parents and student — to remain steadfast and grow in our faith as followers of Christ. Keep coming back to God and remember His word — memorize verses, listen to lots of worship and praise music and hymns. It will help so much later down the road and also help you to make those tough decisions. Her life is His as much as my life is His. Thanks again for the reminders and for sharing this part of your life.

Thank you. Yes everything. If the idk comes offer some ideas and it will all work, you will either agree on the action or non action. This is a time to make choices and learn form them mistakes before leaving the nest into the great big world. Hope this helps. God bless you. In retrospect, I wish I 1. The pressure to study harder, dress to impress, which social groups to join or belong to, relationship statuses, etc. It also was miserable at times and a lot of unnecessary stress and a beat up of my own self confidence.

I joined everything and made an effort to make the most of high school. I hardly run into people that love high school as much as I do, but I think I loved high school because I made it a 2nd home. Be willing to try out anything and every kind of club, sports, classes, and be willing to make mistakes and fail at things. Its surprising to see who you meet through out all the things you get involved in.

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Some of those times where I made an effort to stick myself out there, those were also some of the sweetest times of getting to know people, laughing, and even sharing about my faith. Thank you for taking the time to write this. I will share this with my daughter and I know that this will be helpful to others who read through the comments. What should I do? How do I get it out of there? You leave it alone and come home. I needed the reminder that our job is to eventually let go.

And let God. God bless from D. Thanks for this comment. Glad that the post encouraged you guys. When the time comes and guys ask you out for a date always tell them that they have to ask your dad first. If you are not ready, dad will tell them. If dad does not approve you are rescued from needless heartache so you can have the best. Advice for high school parenting: Be more present than you think you need to be.

Unconditional love. That comes when they turn 22 years old. At all cost, maintain the relationship. No matter the situation; your window to share and guide them will reappear. You have been very busy with your career and child raising, and that continues. But nurturing the relationship between the two of you is important too.

You might consider a trip away together once every year or two. The greatest thing you can do for your children is to love one another. And some day — soon — you two will be alone again. One just entered HS. The other just moved out and into his college apartment. I was harder than we imagined. I still get out four plates for dinner — one too many. We are overjoyed for both of our boys and, like you, know this is our purpose — to equip and release.

Spend a large quantity of time with your kids quality time is a myth.

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You have to be present for the magic to happen — for them to open up and allow a glimpse into the deeper things happening in their hearts and minds. Always make room for another kid and their families and friends at your table. Make huge vats of food. Say you love them often, kiss and hug them even if they act like it bugs them.

When my brother was in high school, my dad used to pull him out of school once in a while maybe twice a year and they would spend the whole day doing something like driving to Shenandoah Valley. Not what a typical Asian grade-conscious dad would do! I used to do this when the kids were younger and then got ruffled by the pressure of elevated expectations and academics. Great advice by all. Listen, be present and engaged, be slow to anger on the occasions that they rebel or make poor choices, stand firm in Christ, and pray for them all the time.

Pray with them when they are struggling, and when they are not. Find friends that are healthy, safe, and who build you up and let you be Jubilee, not what they think you should be. You likewise, be a builder upper and let Christ shine through you. Talk to your parents and let them love on you and guide you.

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Prayers for you Jubilee. It is so great that you are soliciting parenting advice — really, really wonderful. Not a lot of parents are secure enough to do that. I wish my parents had been better about accepting my failures, even letting me be a little bad sometimes…i. It did. We raised them, not only with the intention of letting them go, but with the intention of sending them out to fulfill His purpose for their lives. Love them. Invest in them. Spend time with them. They can be and were, for us some of the sweetest years in the life of a family.

These two daughters are amazing people that God brought into our lives to raise for Him. Because we had invested in our relationship with them — listening, honoring, disciplining, teaching, loving, guiding them — when they were young, we just continued in that pattern through their teenage years and enjoyed them!

Now we are learning to be parents of young adults. We continue to seek God for wisdom and direction in how to love, honor, respond or not! This turned out to be long — sorry. The biggest thing is to listen. Otherwise: 1. It was really useful to me as a teenager, a couple of times, to be able to blame my older sister when I was uncomfortable with something i. Generational friendships were important to this, as were glimpses into non-high-school worlds. Later, Running Start is awesome for this, by the way — community college is not a cool-ocracy the way that high school and the way that college dorms can be.

Treating people with respect and love and truth, absolutely. No, always no. Your conscience and your common sense and your intuition need to win. Talk with older people you trust or with good friends the kind who value your well-being! Online stuff stays online pretty much forever. Photos are forever, and basically uncontrollable. So Not Worth It. But resist as far as you can — you are more than that, your identity is founded elsewhere, and the more your identity is founded on a Rock, the more lasting everything is.

And, um, they can be really embarrassing if they get in the wrong hands either now or later. Test things — hold fast to what is good. Let me see.. I think you asked for advice.

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Then I think you asked if we had any advice for her as we look back on our own high school years. Be yourself. Now is the time to try a little of all subjects, float through different groups and learn even more about yourself. They are even more insecure than you. One of the dumbest things I ever did in my HS years was too make a social strategy.

The Future’s Not Ours to Keep

My choice was painful and awkward over and over again. I did make some new friends but I dissed some old ones. I did it because I wanted to be cool. Today the group I left behind have been lifelong friends. They were smart women with good habits. I still wonnder how the tragectory of my life would have been different if I had concentrated more on my subjects and the friends I came into school with rather than what people thought of me and trying to ingratiate myself with people who I thought were popular or who I thouht my mother would want me to know.

The irony is by senior year I was disgusted with the whole project and started hanging out with a couple girls in the younger grades. Somehow by forgetting about it and by just being myself all of the sudden I became more interesting to the very people I had been persuing. That was a lesson. Not sure what the advice is in that last bit but there you go.

Thanks for asking!

Cool post, Eugene, and good reminder about the role of parenting and stewarding that. Just read it now although its from a few weeks ago.. Hanging around people that had hugely different goals in life or were selfish or did semi-crazy behavior never was worth it later on. Sometimes it took me a while to recognize when to choose who I let shape me, sometimes it was really obvious.

Friends who had tons of rules and expectations from parents not from themselves , always seemed to rebel in some way — internally or externally. I think a great gift from parents is other adult friendships for older kids -i. Many times I was encouraged or called into doing work throughout HSchool that let me explore who I was meant to be, even when it sometimes looked different then my family, my church, my people, etc. I think helping kids truly be who God gifted them to be as they mature and grow into their own skin is really important.

I think sometimes girls especially need encouragement to see themselves in certain ways, or to step up, speak out, etc — depending on their personality. Sharing confidence that they can do whatever they feel called to do, even if they have not done that before, can be so empowering! He came to love those undeserving of love. He came to be a friend to the friendless.

Your HS experience will be a blessing to you and those around you if you remember those 2 things. Hi all. As a parent whose youngest child just went off to college, yes indeed this article hits home!! My advice, both to kids and parents in high school—Stay open-minded.

Parents—your teens will be exposed to things, good and bad, that we never even thought about when we were their age. It just means they exist in a glorious new world. Teens—have patience with your parents. Really they are. Believe it or not, they were young and cool not that long ago. Listen and let them talk, even if it is for a very long time. Look them in the eye. Validate them. Love them and show it. Travel and experience things with them often during these last years at home. Encourage them in new pursuits. Pay attention to where they truly shine and help them to see it.

They will soon have to choose their life pursuits…encouragement helps and clarifies! Let them go out on their own and do their thing, with guidance, love and boundaries…but give them a little more space and time each time. Share this quote:. Like Quote. Recommend to friends. To see what your friends thought of this quote, please sign up!

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