I surrounded myself with people who would reaffirm my beliefs surrounding unworthiness. They would openly shout the things I would only tell myself in secret. They became so integrated into my identity and how I perceived the world around me, that I did not question the damage they did. And why?
I was damaged but mostly afraid. I viewed the world through fear-filtered eyes. My self worth had been punctured after years and years of disconnection. I lived out of fear disguised as practicality. I lacked courage and was afraid of the unknown the murky space between the questions and the doubt. Stoic, I reassure myself that if I am able to control my internal world, even slightly, then this will hopefully make up for the complete disarray within the external world.
But control is an illusion. So often I refuse to allow myself the freedom to simply feel what is necessary. I am not the biggest fan of uninvited guests. I like to be prepared and ready.
Retrieving locked boxes is incredibly difficult. So I have learnt to embrace and entertain them all. The shame, the sorrow, I treat them all equally as honorably. Feel the emotion leave your body. I promise your spine will thank you. If you enjoyed this, then you may also enjoy these:. Sign in Get started. Feb 10, Ten songs integral to my healing journey. Out of chaos, brilliant stars are born.
Healing is unpredictable. When you focus on what you could have done better, you often feel empowered and less bitter. We all make mistakes, and odds are you could have easily slipped up just like your husband, father, or friend did. Compassion dissolves anger.
Metaphorically throw it away. Use a stress ball, and express your anger physically and vocally when you use it. Make a scrunched up face or grunt. Wear a rubber band on your wrist and gently flick it when you start obsessing on angry thoughts. This trains your mind to associate that type of persistent negativity with something unpleasant. Remind yourself these are your only three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it. These acts create happiness; holding onto bitterness never does. Identify what the experience taught you to help develop a sense of closure.
Write everything you want to express in a letter. Even if you choose not to send it, clarifying your feelings will help you come to terms with reality as it is now. Remember both the good and the bad.
Even if appears this way now, the past was not perfect. Acknowledging this may minimize your sense of loss. Un-romanticize the way you view love. If you think you can find a love that amazing or better again, it will be easier to move on. Visualize an empowered single you —the person you were before meeting your last love. That person was pretty awesome, and now you have the chance to be him or her again. Create a space that reflects your present reality.
Helps me in my journey of moving forward. Relationships end because two people are something wrong for each other. This led me on a journey of learning through opposites and a path of profound spiritual growth. Hi this is such an incredible article.. When enrapt in a toxic relationship, friends will find you selfish and unbearable, family members will disapprove and then quietly distance themselves.
Take down his pictures; delete her emails from your saved folder. Reward yourself for small acts of acceptance. Get a facial after you delete his number from your phone, or head out with friends after putting all her things in a box. Hang this statement somewhere you can see it.
Replace your emotional thoughts with facts. Use the silly voice technique. According to Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap , swapping the voice in your head with a cartoon voice will help take back power from the troubling thought. Use a deep breathing technique , like ujayii , to soothe yourself and seep into the present moment. Immerse yourself in a group activity. Enjoying the people in your life may help put your problems in perspective. Metaphorically release it. Write down all your stresses and toss the paper into your fireplace.
Replace your thoughts. Notice when you begin thinking about something that stresses you so you can shift your thought process to something more pleasant, like your passion for your hobby. If for no other reason than that, forgive and let go. You are not your pain, your past, or your emotions. Being able to let go requires a strong sense of self, which gives you the ability to learn and grow from your experiences. Really loved the idea that its past and we should let it go and to let go we must have a strong sense of self will you please elaborate on creating or may i say developing a strong sense of self.
Thanking you in anticipation. Hi Max! Thank you for your comment. Developing a strong sense of self is a process, and a lifelong adventure.
We start out developing one by choosing who it is we want to be in every situation we face. Making choices from our intellect, instead of from our natural urges. I have many articles on my website that go into a lot more detail then I can give in a comment section. I also have a book coming out in Sept.
So, stay tuned! Yeah surely.. Wait for your book also please do share links for all your articles regarding to same topic thank you for your reply. I was trying to send you links on here but PT does not allow me to share links in the comment section. So if you send me a private message, I can email you back with links. Hi Dr.
Cohen I really enjoyed the article. I am a non-traditional student at a State University working on my Bachelor's in Psychology. I wholeheartedly agree with the idea that we, as social beings, need to let some of the negative things that we carry around with us To often we are imprisoned by what others think and what we self-affirm as the way things SHOULD be in a world that in reality is only concerned with their own little piece of it.
I enjoyed reading the tips you suggested and look forward to more of your articles. I appreciate your comment! I am glad that my article resonated with you! Good luck with your Bachelor's in Psychology!
Sometimes is very hard to let go. I have been married for 9 years but have been together with my wife for 15 years. We separated 5 months ago because she was not happy with me anymore and me neither with here and we felt both in a very deep depression. I tell my wife for over 2 years that i dont love here anymore, even separated from here, and she took me the only anchor i had left and now seeing this woman i love and care about every day is extremely hard.
Worst is i cant break contact with my ex wife because we have a 4 year old son. The point is, i try daily to let go to my feelings for the other woman but heart does not listen to reason and all this emotional nightmare is Hi, Thank you for your comment and expressing what you are going through. Letting go is very difficult especially if the hurt has not stopped. That is where it is helpful to continue to read and possibly seek out someone to talk to. Wish you all the best. I really like the way all the tips have been listed. I've printed it up and keep it in my purse and reread it when I need to reflect on things.
Thank you. Awesome article, thank you. It articulates everything i think and have learned over time yet find so hard to actually do. Its a good reminder and refresher. Thank you! I appreciate your comment. Yes with most things it's easy to know it but very hard to apply it. Thank you for this blog it helped me to make some realization just like what Mr.
Fikry at almentor has told me. Both of you were such a blessing to me. Thanks a lot! Fawzy told me at almentor.